Let's talk about love.

I'm opening up with a bit of a heavy hitter. I'm going to talk about love, my understanding of the emotion (however limited it may be), and anything and everything else I can attach it to.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13, 4-7

I feel the need to use that quote because of the major resonance it has in my life. over the last few years I've learned quite a good deal about love (at least I'd like to think so) and how it works in it's different forms. I spent a good couple of years in a very dark place right out of high school (which high school was only four years ago, but I digress) and became a very diffrent person from the light hearted jovial boy I had been. In the process I lost a lot of friends, but that's not what I'm here to talk about. Flash forward a couple of years, and I get a call from out of the blue while I was hard up looking for a job and a way out of the rut I had found myself in. It was my former best friend asking if I wanted my old job back as a pizza cook, because he needed someone that knew what they were doing asap. I gladly took the job and dreaded knowing I had to work with someone that had stopped talking to me for quite some time. Strangely enough, it was like we had just seen each other the day before. Very little was different, outside of where we both lived, and the fact that he had a wife and child. It was just like hanging out and working with him all over again. This little story brings me to my first point on love. Brotherly love (I just happen to like the way it sounds, it can apply to any non family member that one would have a close bond with regardless of gender). He and I shared a love for each other that transcended anything that had happened to us in the past, and anything that had been said or done.We were always meant to be friends, and let's face it the proper term I believe is hetero life mates. This isn't something that you just find, it's a gift given to you by the Lord (or what ever higher power you personally believe in, I'm not here to judge). It's something that can't be taken away easily, and probably the form of love I'm most familiar with. These are the people you'd take a bullet for, but wouldn't take to bed. I can honestly say that I only really have one relationship like this, with nothing but unyielding trust and I can honestly say I'm lucky for it.

The next topic is romantic love. This is what most people consider to be "real" love and is the hardest to find, and hardest to keep. Or so it would seem, but I think people pretend they're in love because they're told that they are supposed to fall in love and get married and have children, for all sorts of reasons. I also think as a species we're desperately needy (myself included obviously, I'm not a robot....yet) and think that we need to be "loved" to be seen worthwhile to the general public. I think it's so hard to find real examples of true romantic love today. One example does however spring right to mind, and it's of a friend of mine. Her husband is bipolar and, as anyone with the disorder he has mood swings. He'll call her rather angry about one thing or another and she, like a saint, patiently walks him through what ever she needs to to calm him down with out a word of protest or frustration. She loves him, all of him and takes the good with the bad. It's sometimes hard to wrap my mind around how she can do the dance over and over again, and has been for 7 or so years. It's amazing of what love can do. I can honestly say I was in this sort of love once, and only once. I really hope it wasn't my one shot, if so it went really wide. We were best friends for quite a long time. By the time we hit high school I knew I had feelings for her, powerful feelings that paled anything else I had ever felt for another person. (Mind you I was only 15, but even now I haven't felt close to what I've felt for her). She had her troubles and I had mine. I've never actually told her how I feel, nor do I think I can at this point. She's done things to herself that make me so angry, but I still feel for her so much I have trouble even just being around her. I do want to tell her, although she probably already knows. I'm not terribly secretive about these thing.

I think once we feel love, we can't unfeel it. We take a part of ourselves and mix it with part of another, becoming closer to being one together. When you leave that person, part of them stays with you, but they take part of you with them. It's a terrible and wonderful thing, leaving you scarred, but full of something wonderful all at the same time. Love is at least in the romantic since driven by our more primal lust. Let's face it, no matter how much you like someone there's something primal there driving it. Lust doesn’t have to be physical, but it should be kept in check. Lust is powerfully destructive, but I don't think I need to give anymore example than what can be found pretty easily in day to day life.

I guess the next logical step is to talk about sex. I personally have a very different look at sex. I've had random hook ups, and I've been with someone where it meant more. I think that sex without meaning is hollow and useless. It's a waste of the best gift we can share with a person. I'm not going to go on a wait for marriage rant, I'm not. I don't think that I'm qualified to tell anyone to wait for marriage when I'm not wholly sure I believe in what most would call marriage at this point. I can vow to be with someone for the rest of my life without the need for the government to get involved and so forth, but that's for another blog someday. I think sex should be saved for someone you truly love. When two people have sex they surrender the individual can create a new singularity that is both all of them and none of them. It's something beautiful and indescribable. I personally can't see sharing the whole of myself and shedding that to become one with someone I don't know or love. It's not something to be given out at random, or because someone is "hot". (I also hate the use of the word hot, but that is again for another day). I guess what I'm trying to say is wait for love, it will be worth it.

With all I've said about what I know of love I've left out familial love. This is honestly something I know precious little about. I've never had the greatest relationship with my family, and people who are close with their families honestly boggles my mind. I didn't want to just leave it out, but I don't really have much to say about it. I'll probably understand more once I have kids.

This isn't here to try and tell you how to love, or help clarify anything about your relationships. It's here to help expand your view, by me voicing mine. Love is a beautiful and powerful emotion, and it drive us to all kinds of extremes and it knows nothing but love. Race, color, creed, and gender are all ignored by love's gaze. It only sees the soul and the potential to love.

Go forth with what I've said in your mind, or not. I've said my peace, take with you what you want, leave what you wish. Remember, these are the rantings of a mad man.